What Shall It Be Today

From a gal who is a stranger in her own land.

T h e . W e a t h e r

H u g . M e

*HUGS*! give merserene more *hugs*
Get hugs of your own

P u s h . M y . B u t t o n s

Y o u . R a n g ?

Anonymous on In case you ...
Anonymous on Today is a holy ...

F o l k s . a n d . T h i n g s

All Music
Alohalani's Philoblogsophy
Apostrophe Protection Society
As I Was Passing
Astro Pic of the Day
Banzai Descent
BBC
Blibber Blabber
Cartoon Yourself
Do you speak Engrish?
Eye Candy Blog
Fidlmath
Got Time to Waste?
Landmark Theatres
Makeup Alley
Olivia's London Dispatches
Omniglot
Religious Tolerance
Reverse "Engrish"
Ripple
SETI@home
The Best Imitation of Myself
The Jia Li Diaries
Two Ladies & Their TVs
Waiter Rant
Wikipedia
WWDN

F i l e . U n d e r

beliefs
blogging
childhood
cultural differences
daily grind
environment
eye candy
family
friends
immigration
languages
listening
living
oh no you didnt
pep talk to self
politicking
quizzes & frou frou
reading
shop til i drop
social consciousness
technology
thats entertainment
travels
tutti mangia
vanity
watching
world of cinema

B a c k . (B) l o g

today
October 2009
September 2009
February 2009
January 2009
October 2008
June 2008
March 2008
November 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003

K i t c h e n . C o u n t e r

perused *loading* x

Saturday, February 28, 2009

My mother recently wrote me an email on relationships. Specifically, she expressed concern about when I'd be able to find the right man with whom to settle down. She also expressed concern that I may be so blinded by love that I see flaws through rose-colored lenses, thus I should not concentrate on one person only and should go out to meet more people. She commented that the ideal person loves you, is responsible, and works hard, even if he doesn't come with bells and whistles.

I wonder if I'll sound like that one day. If I'm lucky enough to live that long and have children who give me no worries other than who/when they'll marry, then I may very well sound like that one day.

How do you take a parent's heart-felt advice without feelilng the instinct to become defensive and to rebel? Considering, when growing up, if I got a 98 on a test, the comment would be, "Why did you miss the 2 points? Why couldn't you get 100?"

I'm trying to overcome the initial defensive and rebellious reactions, but I haven't perfected it yet. Just like I have no answer for why it was a 98 instead of 100.

One particular bf in the past highly criticized the fact that I'm too old to be listening to my parents. What he failed to understand was that "honor thy father and thy mother" is the greatest commandment in some families, and that he did the wrong thing by trying to distance me from my family. (He lasted only 1 week as my bf.) It is a tough balancing act, between doing what you feel is right and pleasing your parents. It's even tougher when you're empathetic.

How do you remind a parent that you haven't been 18 in a very long time, that you're not blind, that you're not naive, and that you've been through enough relationships to know what to give and what to take? How do you stop being offended long enough to say that you're not the kind of person to shop around when you're in a relationship, and that you wouldn't abandon a good person, even if his situation isn't ideal? How do you make a parent understand that you're not that kind of person, and that it'd be abhorrent for you to be that kind of person?

I disagree that all you needed was someone who works hard and responsibly, who loves you, and who will provide for your family. Attraction, chemistry, and common interests are also incredibly important, but unfortunately that's been derided as "love - one of the most useless concepts." Is this one of those generation gaps things? Because honestly, I can't see myself having a genuinely happy future with someone whom I don't find attractive or share a certain chemistry. Without the spark - the bells and whistles - relationships eventually become perfunctory and possibly one-sided. There's no happy ending to it, and if kids are involved, the soured relationship hurt them more than the parents know, even if they show unconditional love to their children. Why would I ever want to walk down that path?

Good intentions, hard pill to swallow? Or I'm not completely wrong. Ultimately, I am the one who will have to wake up next to that person every single day. It should be on my own terms.